Return of Mr Jordan
by Vickatronic
Summary: This is all totally fiction and not in any way spoilers. I was just inspired by an unproven rumour on twitter that Michael French had been spotted in Cardiff and a conversation that came out of that. This fiction is set around Christmas time, Zoe and Max are married and Nick Jordan turns up back in the ED. Rated T for mild, implied smut.
1. Chapter 1

**Return of Mr Jordan**

 **Monday 21** **st** **December 2015**

Pushing open the double doors the familiar smell of Holby City ED hit him. All the memories flooded back and Nick suddenly regretted staying away for so long now but when he left he knew it was the right thing to do. He needed to break free of all the memories in Holby, the good and the bad. Ironically those memories were one of the main reasons he was back. Dr Zoe Hanna was one memory he just couldn't shake, try as he might. There had been other women since he'd left, he wasn't going to deny that, just as he was sure she would have been involved with other men but they always had something a little bit different when they were together and he had to see her again.

If anyone asked, Nick's reasons for being back in the ED were slightly different, Connie had asked him to come and do some work in an advisory capactiy. She couldn't be all seeing so Nick would be on the floor, looking for ways they could improve the efficiency of the department. He had got in touch with Connie in the hope that she would give him an excuse to come back but he would only admit that to himself.

"Morning Noel", he said walking in to reception.

"Ah, Mr Jordan, we have been expecting you. Follow me through to Connie's office."

They walked the 10 or so paces in silences, not an awkwardness, more there was never much to be said between the two men. On reaching the door Noel knocked and opened the door for Mr Jordan before returning to his duties.

"Well well the wanderer returns", Connie walked to him in a very casual manner but being Connie still maintained an elegance and suave aura.

"Lovely to see you Connie!". He pecked her on the cheek and went to take a seat at her desk.

"Ah, I thought we would get straight to it and get you out on the shop floor. I have organised a locker for you with Max the porter so try to catch up with him at somepoint today."

"Right, Nick I will leave you here" Connie announced as they reached the nurses station. "Any issues I will be in my office."

"Connie, is Zoe in today?" he asked before she walked away.

"She'll be in on a midshift later today." She responded curtly then headed back to her office.

A consultant working a midshift in the week running up to Christmas seemed a little odd, perhaps Zoe is doing a few favours to get Christmas off to head up north to her parents he thought to himself.

* * *

The familiar click clack of stilleto heels along the corridor made Nick look up from his clipboard in front of him. Sure enough they were being worn by a beautiful dark haired woman who he knew very well indeed.

"So the rumours are true, Mr Jordan has decided to grace us with his presence?!" she teased as they hugged.

"You look different, have you lost weight?" he stuck his tongue out knowing how much she hates those kinds of comments.

"It's a good job I like you ."

"Coffee at 4pm?"

"Skiving on your first day?"

"I'll just tell Connie you led me astray."

"Alright, catch you later then."

She smiled and looked behind her as she walked away to see her first patient of the day. Not that she could concentrate now. She knew she should have told him about Max, they were married, she was happy but she could never bring herself to tell him. Of course he knew she hadn't been living like a nun since he'd gone but there had never been a right time to tell him she was engaged, then married. And now he was here, the love of her life, the one person who just one look from could send shivers up and down her spine, and she'd agreed to have coffee with him.

* * *

"Double espresso and a large latte with an extra shot for the lady." He ordered their coffee as she rolled her eyes at him. They'd opted for the hospital cafe furthest away from the ED so they could actually enjoy their break.

"So how have you been?" she asked as they grabbed a table.

"You know, the tumour hasn't bled out and killed me so mustn't grumble."

"Nick!" His eyes had caught something on her hand as she'd lifted her coffee cup and he reached out for her hand, totally ignoring the fact she'd just scolded him for his comment.

He pulled her hand towards him, his touch giving her butterflies, but also a sense of dread in her stomach.

"You're married?!"

"Nick, I'm sorry I never told you, it was a really low key wedding so we didn't invite many people and it just sort of never came up... When we were chatting it was really just about work stuff and you know how it is..."

They both just sat in silence for a while. Neither really sure what to say. Nick broke the silence with the question she was dreading...

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do, I married him. He treats me like a princess, he maybe can't give me all the things that ex boyfriends have been able to like presents but he's thoughtful and he cares for me and he makes me happy."

He held her hand again and she didn't pull it away. She knew she should, this kind of thing would never end well for her and she didn't want to hurt Max but she'd missed his touch and she couldn't deny that. She'd missed his scent, the sound of his voice when he's taking charge of resus or whispering in her ear as she fell asleep. She'd just missed him.

"But you've missed me haven't you?"

It was like he'd read her mind. "That's not fair Nick, it's different with Max. What we had was really special to me so of course I've missed you, but as you told me yourself, life goes on."

He let go of her hand but she couldn't bring herself to withdraw it. It was wrong but she wanted his touch and to be close to him.

"So..." He got up and picked up his coffee cup. "When are you taking me to meet this lucky man?"

"You'll meet him, he works in the ED."

"A nurse?"

"Not quite."

"Sounds a bit mysterious."

"He's a porter"

Nick couldn't stifle his laugh but he instantly regretted it when he saw the hurt on her face. "I'm sorry that wasn't fair of me."

"It's ok, I was expecting it" she sighed avoiding his gaze.

* * *

Max didn't like him from the moment he clapped eyes on him. It wasn't just Nick that was making him uneasy it was the glow around Zoe. She was happier to see this man than an old friend would be. There was defintely more to this and the hospital gossips were not helping to calm his jitters.

"Max, this is Nick Jordan. I'm sure you remember me mentioning him."

"Pleasure to meet you Nick."

Nick resisted to the urge to correct him and ask to be called Mr Jordan. This man was only a porter but he was Zoe's husband and he knew that he would never win her back by disrespecting that.

"So Max, I believe you are the man I need to see about a locker key?" Max hated his smarmy manner but the look he just got from his wife screamed 'play nice'.

"Walk this way."

* * *

For the rest of the shift all Zoe could think about was Nick. She was trying so hard to block him out of her mind but he just kept reappearing. Thankfully he had gone home after the day shift so she didn't have to see him but he was constantly infiltrating her thoughts.

"Ready to go gorgeous?" Max had stuck his head round her office door to find her deep in thought. She forced a smile as she got up to grab her bag and coat, gently pecking him on the lips as she headed to the door.

"I thought I'd cook for us tonight" he suggested. "I saw a recipe online that I wanted to try. I think you'll like it. And I thought I'd pick up some dessert on the way home."

"Sounds perfect, you really do spoil me." He wrapped his arm around her waist as they headed out of the ED and in to the cold December night.

* * *

The food was absolutely delicious and she was totally stuffed, lying on the sofa with her back pressed again his chest, his hand resting on her stomach rubbing it gently.

"Shall we go to bed?" he whispered in her ear. She could feel the smile on his lips as they brushed the side of her ear and his growing desire for her pressing against her lower back.

"I think I'm too full for sex" she teased as he bent down to carry her to bed.

"I'm sure we'll find a way" he jokingly reassured her.

She squealed as he threatened to drop her on the bed before gently lowering her down so her bum was just by the edge of the bed and her feet could touch the floor. He leant down over her maintaining eye contact and began slowly pulling her top up. She smiled and giggled to herself as he teased her, licking his lips and gazing at her beauty. In that moment her thoughts drifted to Nick and she chastised herself internally for it. This man loved her, worshipped her and wanted her more than anything in the world.

"What are you thinking?" he asked while lifting her top over her head.

"How lucky I am to have you, now stop asking me silly questions and kiss me. I want you."

He kissed her hungrily, unhooking her bra and placing warm, wet kisses down her neck to her breasts and down her stomach, teasing the waistband of her trousers with his teeth. She panted and groaned as he undid the button and fly of her trousers and pulled them down.

"Max, I need you" she panted. He grinned, loving watching her in this state, hot and sweaty and craving his touch. Getting down on his knees he removed her panties with his teeth and she arched her back in preparation for what was to come.

Lying together with their limbs interwined, naked and sweaty he stared at the beautiful woman who had agreed to be his wife and once again counted his blessings. He knew that things weren't always going to be easy but he was enjoying this moment.

Meanwhile on the other side of the bed his wife was asleep, dreaming of Nick Jordan.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story, I've been moving house and didn't have internet etc but back now and going to be updating everything I'm writing ASAP! Please review and let me know what you think.**

Nick Jordan Returns – Part 2

Tuesday 22nd December 2015

"Max, Nick has asked us to go out for dinner with him tonight after our shift, there's a little Italian we used to go to that's open late. Do you fancy it?"

Max sighed and looked down at his cigarette, playing with it between his thumb and forefinger. "I'm busy tonight, I made plans with Lofty."

"You never said..."

"I didn't realise I had to tell you my every move."

"Max, why are you being like this? Nick is my friend, I'd like you two to get to know each other."

"As long as you're sure he is just a friend."

"I'm not ever going to dignify that with a response." She marched back in to the ED pulling her phone out of her pocket – "Just me for dinner tonight if you're still up for it. Z xx" was the text she sent to Nick. Almost instantly a reply bounced back – "Table booked for 9.30pm, will pick you up from ED 9.15pm."

Secretly she was glad that Max wasn't coming, as terrible as she knew those thoughts were. She was sure that had he gone, it would have been an awkward affair, him trying to show off that Zoe belonged to him now and Nick subtly flirting and freezing Max out of the conversation with medical jargon. It would be perfect, just the two of them, chatting, catching up and getting to know each other all over again.

The end of the shift was rapidly rolling round and she hadn't had a chance to catch up with Max after their little spat earlier. She finally caught him alone at the nurse's station.

"Alright?" he asked, a little coyly, knowing that he'd probably overstepped the mark a little during their earlier exchange.

"Yeah, sorry about earlier. About tonight – what are your plans?"

"Going to Lofty and Robyn's, will probably get ridiculously drunk and crash there or fall in the door at 2am, sorry in advance."

"Well have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Duly noted!" he saluted as he walked off to the staffroom.

Quickly changing and touching up her make up seemed like an easy task but it was 9.20pm before she emerged from the ED. Nick had seen her in a variety of states, including strapped to a spinal board while off her face but she couldn't help but want to look nice for him.

"Punctual as ever Dr Hanna" he retorted as she finally got in the car.

"Shut it you, do you not think I was worth the wait?"

She immediately regretted the comment when she noticed his raised eye brow and the fact he was now looking her up and down.

"Always" was his response with a cheeky wink before he drove off.

She was already in trouble and they hadn't even reached the restaurant yet. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her body was tingling. Ever the gentleman, after parking, he walked round the car, opening the passenger door and helping her out. As he took her hand she physically went weak at the knees and prayed that he hadn't noticed the wobble. He had but he was too much of a gentleman to say.

All night the conversation flowed between them like it always had and the wine flowed too. Two bottles later, with only a glass had by Nick as he was driving, the conversation was starting to take a bit of a turn.

"You're so handsome Nick" Zoe mused while running her finger round and round the rim of her empty wine glass. She could see the colour rising up his neck and it was only encouraging her.

"And you're so drunk Zoe Hanna, or should that be Walker now?"

She averted her gaze for a second, even in her drunken state she knew what she was contemplating was wrong but it felt so right. Nick got up to pay the bill and he could feel her eyes burning in to him. He wanted her so badly and try as he might he couldn't push that thought out of his brain.

"Come on you, let's get you home" he said helping her up. She fell back against him giggling.

"I like the sound of that Mr Jordan." Reaching behind her she found his inner thigh with her hand and teased him, running her hand up it and watching him squirm.

"Stop it Zoe, I need to get you in the car, watch your head!"

She'd always loved it when he took charge of her like this and it was just making her hotter and hotter for him.

"Right, where's your keys?" They had arrived outside the flat she shared with Max.

He unzipped her handbag without even thinking and began rifling through it for her keys, fishing them out and pushing the door open. He tried to gently guide her to the couch but she fell backwards and pulled him on top of her. She could feel his breath against her face as he got closer to her.

"Kiss me" she whispered as his lips brushed against her.

He pulled away slightly and looked her up and down. "Zoe, are you sure?" He asked the question softly but she could tell that he had doubts.

"I want you, please kiss me." He was still just watching her. "I'm sure." With that statement she was suddenly fully lucid, that was as much for her benefit as his.

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to her once again feeling his breath against her then his lips against hers.

"What about Max?" he asked breathlessly.

"He's not coming home tonight or not before 2ish" she managed to reply between hungry kisses.

But with that the door swung open, unbeknown to the pair of them, too engrossed in each other to notice. A hand grabbed hold of the back of Nick's now half unbuttoned shirt.

"Get the fuck away from my wife!" Max yelled. Zoe had never seen him get angry like this before and she was scared what he might do. "Get out of my house!" he was dragging Nick towards the door now and pushed him outside. He didn't hit him or become aggressive, just slammed the door in his face. Zoe couldn't help but feel relieved. Max turned to her, struggling to look her in the eye as she readjusted her dress to preserve what was left of her dignity.

"I can't even look at you." He almost spat his words like venom. "I'm going to bed, I suggest you take the spare room, I don't want to be near you."

She didn't even know what to say or do, she just sat paralysed in the moment. She hadn't felt the way she did with Nick tonight since he left. So in tune with another person. Yes, she loved Max and hurting him like this wasn't what she wanted at all, but he wasn't Nick Jordan.

With that, she made her decision, Max wasn't going to talk to her tonight anyway, she was going to finish what she started. Grabbing her bag and suddenly very sober indeed she stepped out in to the cold night air to go after Nick.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the lovely reviews! Laura - I have written the final chapter and I'm working my way up to that so it definitely will get finished. The final chapter is possibly my favourite thing I've ever written.**

She inhaled deeply as the cold air hit her. Nick's car was still parked outside. She saw him look up as the door opened and the light escaped. He started the engine as she approached the car.

"No, Nick, wait!" She hurried over to the now moving car and jumped in the passenger seat.

"Zoe, what are you doing? You should be in there fighting for your marriage."

"But I'm out here fighting for you. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"I'm sorry Zo, I never should have come back here. You have a happy life and I'm trampling all over it."

"Well you're back now and Max isn't going to talk to me tonight anyway."

"No Zoe! Go back in there, sleep on the couch or in the spare room but be there when Max wakes up, tell him you were drunk and it was all me. Tell him how sorry you are for letting me do that and when you both come in to work in the morning I will be long gone."

The tears began to spill from Zoe's eyes now. She knew that he was trying to do the responsible thing because he loved her but it cut through.

"Nick..." she inhaled noisily as his name caught in her throat. "I need you. Please don't do this."

He leant across the car and pushed the passenger door open. "Goodnight Dr Hanna."

Slowly she lifted herself out of the car and headed back towards the door. There was no point in arguing with him when he had made up his mind like this. She turned and watched as he drove away in to the night.

"I thought you'd gone." Max was standing by the door as she re-entered. She jumped having expected him to be stewing upstairs.

"No, Nick wanted to apologise and explain. I was drunk Max, I know I should have stopped it but it all happened so fast."

"I told you he was trouble Zo. I just took one look at him and knew that he was up to no good."

"I know, I should have listened to you." She felt so guilty lying to him but the truth would hurt him even more and Nick was a man of his word. She knew that she'd said goodbye to him.

"Are you coming to bed?"

"I thought I'd take the couch."

"Don't be silly, I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. I just couldn't believe that guy, he knew you were married, took you for dinner, got you drunk and then tried it on."

As they lay in bed, she listened to him sleeping beside her. The guilt of what she had done washed over her but she still couldn't get thoughts of Nick out of her head. The way her body tingled when she touched her again after so long, the ache in her chest as he drove off and the desperate urge she fought to run after him, to beg him not to leave her. Eventually she drifted off in to a restless sleep, her alarm waking her in what felt like seconds since she'd eventually nodded off.

 **Monday 23** **rd** **December 2015**

"Zoe, hurry up, you're going to be late."

Zoe rushed out of their bedroom, finally, gesturing for Max to zip up her dress. He did as she'd asked and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her neck.

"I love you" he whispered softly against her skin.

The guilt made her stomach ache again as he walked off to finish getting ready. She was surprised that he hadn't been angrier with her but he seemed to be projecting all of his anger on to Nick, truly blaming him for the whole incident. In a way that made her even more guilty but it was what Nick had asked her to do, for the best.

"Ready missus?" Max asked as they walked across the car park hand in hand. She leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

"As I'll ever be" was her reply. They stopped to have a cigarette by the front door and to their displeasure they noticed a familiar car parked outside. Nick Jordan's car to be exact. Zoe could see the agitation rise in Max from the mere sight of the car.

"Max, please let's just keep out of Nick's way today. He's only here on a temporary basis and he will be gone before we know it." She tried to reassure Max of this meanwhile her heart was racing in anticipation of seeing Nick again. She had her own reasons to be angry with him after their final conversation last night but the desire to see him and be near him overrode any anger.

"I just don't understand why he's still here. You told him you're with me now and it shouldn't have happened when you went outside and he apologised for his behaviour. Why would he hang around after that?"

Zoe, concentrating very hard on her cigarette and looking anywhere but Max's face murmured in agreement. "Right, I need to get to work Max. Catch you in a bit and please keep your head down." She pecked him on the cheek and called back "Love you!" as an afterthought.

"Mrs Walker, this is Bruce, he fell off a bike on to a pavement, he was wearing a helmet, didn't hit his head but we are a bit worried about his ankle and hand. He's been complaining about pain in his left wrist but also loss of sensation in his hand."

"Great, thanks Iain. Cubicle 3 please!"

"Bruce, I'm Zoe, I'm a consultant here. Can you pop up on to the bed for me? I'll be sending you for an x-ray ASAP for your wrist but I just want to give you a quick check over first. Do you have pain anywhere else?"

"No Doc, I'm fine, just fell off my bike put my arm out to save myself."

"Ok, that's fine. No dizziness or anything before the fall?" she asked as she had a quick listen to his chest.

"No, I think the tyre hit a little bit of gravel or something."

"Right, I'll just get a porter to take you up to X-ray and a nurse will sort you out with some pain relief."

"Max!" she called on seeing him lurking around the nurses station.

"Yes, Mrs Walker!" he responded flirting a little.

"Max, stop it, I have a patient needing a trip to x-ray, cubicle 3."

"Hmmph I remember when you were fun" he huffed with a cheeky smile on his face.

She couldn't help but smile after him but she was still looking behind her, waiting for Nick to walk in. She knew he was here in the building and hoping to get a difficult case to take her mind off it.

"Mr Jordan..." Zoe overheard the start of a conversation outside the cubicle and instantly jumped.

"Everything alright?" the patient asked.

"Eh, yeah, sorry. I just thought I'd seen a wasp."

The patient was looking at her like she was mad so she excused herself. Instantly Nick looked up and their eyes met across the ED. He turned on his heels and quickly walked away. Hurrying after him she shouted "I thought you'd gone?!"

"Zoe, not here ok. Your office?"

They headed inside and shut the door behind them. Zoe quickly closed the blinds. "So I thought you were going?"

"I came in and told Connie but she asked me to finish a couple of things just to tie up loose ends before I head off."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth – that I'm not needed here and that coming back was a mistake. Look Zoe, I will always care about you and that's why I have to leave. You're happy. Your life is here. With Max."

"Nick, I don't know what to say. Since you got back I haven't been able to get you out my head."

"I know and I'm sorry. I should never have come here. Once I'm gone I'll fade from memory again and you will go back to normal."

"Nick..." She stepped forward and gently put her hand on his cheek. She could feel the start of stubble developing and she imagined how it would feel against the top of her lip. She leant in and their lips brushed against each others. The chemistry between them was making both of their hearts race.

"Zoe, we shouldn't." His voice was barely a whisper now as he fought the urge to kiss her. He could feel her breath against his face and could taste her. She slowly licked her lips, teasing him and daring him to kiss her. She stepped back and smiled as he stepped towards her again, unable to resist her any longer he pressed her against the wall and kissed her passionately.

"Wow that was incredible! I'd forgotten just how good you are." He leant over and zipped her dress back up.

"I hadn't forgotten how good you are." There was a serious tone to her voice. "What are we going to do Nick?"

"Well that's up to you but I don't want an affair and I still want to get out of Holby."

"Take me with you?!"


	4. Chapter 4

Tuesday 24th December 2015

Nick had told Zoe to take a few days to think over what she was suggesting. He didn't want to drag her away from her life now as much as he wanted to be with her. No one knew how long he had left and he couldn't give her a guaranteed happy future in the way Max could. It played on his mind as he walked down the main streets of Holby watching happy, young couples doing last minute Christmas shopping. Some walking hand in hand, others heading off apart to buy gifts for each other. He stopped by a jewellers window, mesmerised by the displays of silver and gold, at first we wasn't sure whether to get anything for Zoe but a pair of earrings caught his eye that were perfect for her. With the earrings paid for, gift wrapped and safely in his coat pocket he headed back to the ED to finish his shift.

Elsewhere Zoe was preparing for her first Christmas as a married woman with her doubts about the future whirring around in her brain. Max's family were coming to spend Christmas day with them and she knew waiting was the right thing to do but it was making her worry she was making the wrong decision. She was happy with Max but she couldn't shake the niggling thought that if she got the call to say that Nick had died she would regret not taking this chance to be with him.

"You better not be worrying about my mum." Max whispered in her ear as he slipped his arms around her waist, his chest pressing against her back.

She forced a smile, "why would I be doing a thing like that?"

"Oh, I don't know, her general demeanor."

"You do make a good point Mr Walker. Do we have to invite her?"

"Yeah, about that… She'll be here any minute. Anything you need me to do before she gets here?" He was clearly flirting with her and she knew he really only had one thing on his mind. It reminded her of the cheeky chappy act that she'd fallen in love with.

"Go on then, but we really will have to be quick."

He smiled watching her lead the way to their bedroom. With the run up to Christmas they'd both been so busy and hadn't really had time for each other, or at least he thought that was the reason, and he was going to make the most of this short time before his mum arrived.

They both panted as they fell away from each other.

"Are you trying to kill me or something, Zoe?"

"What? Death by incredible sex."

"Yeah something like that." He smiled looking right in to her eyes and leant into roughly kiss her on the lips.

"Mmmm, Max we don't have time." She pulled away and slipped out of the bed knowing full well that he was just lying there watching her naked body moving around the room. "Come on dead man walking, your mum will be ringing you to go and get her any minute."

"Fine!" he sighed, removing himself from the tangle of the duvet. She couldn't help but stare at his body as he hunted for his discarded clothes.

"Max, why are you with me?"

"What? Why are you asking that?"

"I was just looking at you and thinking how hot you are, you could have anyone you wanted."

"Well there you go, you just answered your question, I want you. And before you start putting yourself down, look in the mirror Zo, seriously turn around and look in the mirror." She did and Max walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her back, resting his hands on her stomach. "You're beautiful." He kissed her neck and pulled back. "Stop it Zo, I love you, I want you. Stop worrying."

His comforting words did nothing to quell the battle going on in her thoughts. She couldn't deny she was lucky to have Max but similarly she was lucky to be getting a shot at a second chance with Nick. The doorbell rang bringing her out of her reverie.

"Hello? It's only me!" She heard Greta's voice ring through to where she stood in her bedroom.

"Mum , I thought I was picking you up?!"

"I just thought I'd save you the effort and got a cab. No Zoe?"

"She's just in our room, I think she's getting changed or something." He could see his mum looked suspicious and she probably had a fair idea of what the two of them had been up to just minutes before her arrival but she didn't say a word. "Let me show you to the guest room and you can get yourself settled."

"And maybe Zoe will have found an outfit by then..."

"Mum!" He interrupted.

"Or at least retrieved her clothes from the floor."

He sighed, this was going to be a long Christmas if she kept this up. No wonder Zoe was worried he thought to himself.

"Relax Max, I'm teasing. I realise that a visit from the mother-in-law would somehow dampen the mood and it is Christmas after all."

"Right so here we are." He pushed open the door to the guest room which was beautifully decorated to Zoe's taste.

"I love what you've done with the place."

"This is all Zoe." His pride shone through his smile and his mum couldn't help but be happy for him. "I'll go and put the kettle on."

The afternoon and evening ran very smoothly indeed. Both Zoe and Max were shocked by how well it had gone. Dinner was a success, Greta was complimentary of everything and the conversation flowed before she excused herself for an early night. The couple were sitting on the sofa sipping their drinks when Max got up and walked over to the Christmas tree. He picked up a small, soft parcel with red wrapping paper and a gold bow and handed it to Zoe.

"You should probably open this now."

"But it's not Christmas yet."

"No, but you definitely don't want to open this in front of my mum."

She giggled as she began untying the bow and opened the parcel to find it contained a beautiful lingerie set. "Max, is this a present for me or you?"

"Go and put it on and we'll find out." He headed out of the room to kitchen before she had time to playfully slap him.

Max had chosen wisely and slipping into the lingerie had certainly made her feel very sexy indeed and they both reaped the rewards several times that night just hoping that Greta wouldn't hear.

When Max had eventually fallen asleep, and only then, did Zoe's thoughts drift back to Nick Jordan. Having not been around him for the day had allowed her to block out her feelings for him but she knew as soon as she saw him again she'd be aching to be with him. She knew in an ideal world, if no one would be hurt by her decision, she would have gone with Nick in the blink of an eye but unfortunately her actions could have devastating consequences for the man sleeping next to her holding her in his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Wednesday 25th December 2015

"Zoe! Your phone is flashing!" Max called through the house. Zoe, Greta, Dylan and Robyn were all in the living room, sipping on their wine and relaxing in front of the TV. It had been a lovely family Christmas, even Dylan and Zoe had to admit they had enjoyed themselves.

He picked up the phone to take it through to his wife but she met him in the kitchen before he had a chance.

"It'll probably be the ED. I told Ethan and Cal to text or call if they had any issues," she explained nonchalantly, genuinely expecting the message to be nothing important. Only when she pressed the home button and her phone lit up, her stomach flipped. It was a message from Nick.

"Everything alright?" Max asked having seen the expression change on his wife's face.

She paused, reading the message that stated simply "I need to see you", "Yeah… fine." She responded thinking on her feet. "Actually I'm needed in the E.D, they need a second opinion on a difficult case and are really under pressure."

Her mind had gone into overdrive: Is Nick ok? Am I a bad person for going to him? Am I making a mistake? The questions kept running through her mind as she typed the reply in to her phone asking where to meet him.

Before she knew it she was ringing the buzzer at his building. The crackling of him lifting the receiver took her out of her musings, "Hello?"

"Nick, it's me." The door clicked open and she rushed inside full of nervous energy.

When she reached Nick's apartment he was waiting by the door and pulled her inside, kissing her forcefully and pushing her up against the wall.

"Mmm, Nick… Wait!" she managed between kisses. He pulled away and watched her with a bemused expression. "Sorry, this isn't right Nick, I'm married, I've left my family to come here."

"Zoe, I'm not forcing you to do anything, you rushed here. What did you think we were going to do?"

"I don't know Nick, I don't know anything right now."

"I know one thing, I want you, and I think you want me to."

"That's not fair Nick" she said in a quiet, breathy voice as his lips began approaching hers once again. This time she couldn't help but give in to him and they were soon falling onto Nick's luxurious king size bed. Knowing each other's bodies the way they did it wasn't long before they were both on the verge of ecstasy.

"Please don't stop" Zoe begged breathlessly.

"You've changed your tune" Nick responded without bothering to mask his grin. He loved having this kind of control over her and he slowed right down to make her beg.

"Nick… please…" she whispered against his chest, arching her back to get closer to him and quickening her own motions in the hope he would follow suit. She was on the edge of no return and he knew she couldn't wait much longer.

Collapsing on top of her, Nick was exhausted but more relaxed than he'd found himself in some time. He gently kissed the top of her head before rolling over and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close so their warm skin was touching.

"Thank you" he whispered as she was beginning to drift off to sleep.

"What for?" she mumbled, semi-conscious and dozing.

"For dropping everything to see me, for the past half hour and for this. I love you Zoe Hanna."

The last five words woke her up, almost with a start and in that moment she finally made her decision. Hearing Nick say those words stirred something inside of her that she hadn't even realised existed anymore.

"I love you Nick Jordan and I need you." She managed to get these words out before tears began to form in her eyes and she sniffed, willing them to dissipate before they were noticed.

"The Dr Hanna I know doesn't cry." Nick teased her but he also held her tight letting her cry against his bare chest.

"I have to go Nick." They'd been lying in bed for a couple of hours before Zoe realised that Max would be wondering where she'd got to.

"Wait, Zo, I almost forgot, I've got something for you." He threw the duvet off and got up, padding across the room totally naked. Zoe couldn't help but watch his form move around the room.

"Close your eyes" he instructed looking over at her. She pouted before he added "and hold out your hands", remembering he was getting her present.

He placed a small wrapped box in her hands and like a child she rushed to open it.

"Nick they're beautiful." The earrings inside were absolutely perfect for her.

"Do I get a kiss?"

They once again ended up in a passionate embrace and Nick couldn't resist trying to remove her dress. "Nick, I have to go. I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"You certainly will. Goodnight Dr Hanna."

"You were ages, is everything alright at work?"

"Huh?" Zoe was distracted by the events of the evening and Max's questioning caught her off guard.

"The hospital? Is everything sorted?"

"Oh right, yeah, Ethan and Cal are more than capable, Ethan just got a bit jittery, you know what he's like."

"Uh uh." He looked at his wife closely, admiring her beauty, her face illuminated by a nearby lamp. "Mum has been in bed for a while, she's probably asleep, I was thinking maybe we could..." He gestured to their bedroom.

"Sorry Max, after today I'm knackered. I think I'm just going to have a quick bath and go straight to sleep."

"Where were you Zo?"

"What?" She was taken aback by his question.

"Where were you?"

"I was at the hospital. What are you asking that for?"

"Cal phoned while you were gone, to let you know that everything had gone smoothly and he would see you tomorrow."

"Sorry, I know I shouldn't have lied, it'd just been such a long day and I wanted to get out for a bit."

Max leant closer to his wife as if he was going to kiss her and she matched his movement only to find him suddenly pull away.

"What's wrong?" she asked, the expression on his face a mixture of disgust and anger.

"I can smell him on you, Zoe. Do you know what? Sneaking off to cheat on me on Christmas Day is low but with him? That just takes the biscuit. You've been seeing him all along haven't you?"

"Max I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you that it doesn't mean anything and it was a mistake but I would just be lying to you. I love you Max, that's the truth but it's different with Nick. He's always been the one, I'd just forgotten quite how much I loved him until he turned up here."

Tears were streaming down Max's cheeks and Zoe wanted to go to him, wipe his tears and tell him that everything would be ok but she was totally and utterly helpless. "I never meant to hurt you" she added and at that point Max just went to pieces. He slid down the wall and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Knowing that she couldn't just leave him there she sat down beside him and just sat in silence. After a few minutes he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Does he make you happy?" he asked through his sobs.

"Yes."

He slipped his hand into hers and squeezed it gently before kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"Go to him Zoe, I love you more than I've ever loved another person and all I want is for you to be happy. Go to him. Be happy."

She looked deep into his eyes before placing a loving kiss on his lips. "Thank you. I do love you Max and I'm sorry."

Gathering her belongings from the bedroom she shared with Max was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. Tiny decisions like whether to take the red hoody that was actually Max's but that she'd lived in for most of the time they'd been together or not were suddenly hugely taxing. She hadn't even noticed that Max was lurking in the doorway as she removed it from her bag for about the 5th time.

"Take it" he said from behind her. There was no malice in his voice, it was the cheeky chappy voice that she'd fallen for in the early days. Without saying a word she slowly picked the jumper up, folded it and slipped it into the bag. Looking around the room and checking she had everything she needed made it all seem so final.

"Max…" She didn't really know what to say, nothing seemed like it would be enough but there were really no words.

"I'll pack up the rest of your stuff after work tomorrow. You can collect it whenever you want."

"You don't have to be nice about this you know?"

"Believe me, I won't be behind your back." They both smiled at his joke and she headed to the door knowing that staying any longer would only ruin it.

"Zoe!" He called after her with a sudden urgency in his voice.

"Yes?!" She turned round abruptly.

"I'm always here for you, you know?"

"I know." And with that she left. Feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday 26th December 2015

The alarm blared out from the far corner of bedside table on the opposite side of the bed.

"Zoe, switch it off" Max grumbled reaching out to his wife's side of the bed finding it cold and empty. Only in this moment did he realise the night before had not been a dream and he was alone in the marital bed. Rolling over he silenced the noisy contraption and mentally prepared himself for a grilling from his mother when he got downstairs.

"Zoe having a lie in?" his mother asked before he'd even reached the kitchen.

"Nah, she had to go to work early."

"Why are you lying?"

"What?" He was suddenly very defensive.

"You're doing that thing you do when you play with your hair on the back of your head. You only do it when you're under pressure and I asked a very straightforward question…"

"Well if you must know she's left me. Now I don't want to talk about it and I need to be in work in 15 minutes." He didn't hang around long enough for her to ask any further questions meaning he left the house without so much as a cup of coffee.

"Mmmm morning Dr Hanna." Nick planted a soft kiss on the lips of the naked doctor who was lying next to him.

"Do we have to go to work Nick? I could quite happily lie here all day and not have to face everyone."

"I'm afraid we do Zo, race you to the shower."

She squealed in delight, jumping out of bed and rushing across the room to Nick's ensuite shower room.

Somehow they miraculously managed to pull into the Holby ED car park 10 minutes earlier than they had anticipated. Nick used this extra time as an opportunity to pull Zoe in to heady embrace in the car. Ethan and Cal couldn't help but stop and stare on their way past. completely unbeknown to the couple.

"Noel?!" Cal shouted across the busy reception area.

"What can I do for you this morning Cal?"

"Mr Jordan…"

"No, you're definitely Caleb Knight."

"No you fool, what do you _know_ about Mr Jordan?"

"Oh, well that depends what you mean. He used to be clinical lead here and before that he was up on Darwin."

"Him and Dr Hanna?"

Noel paused, unsure where the young doctor was going with this. "What about them?"

"Do they have a history?"

"They were close." Noel went for the diplomatic approach.

"Ah right, well they're eating each other's faces in the car park as we speak."

"SO DID YOU SEE THAT CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LAST NIGHT CAL?" Noel was suddenly talking incredibly loudly.

"What?! Did you hear what I just said?"

Noel tried to gesture with his head and busy himself with some papers at the reception desk.

"Morning Dr Knight" rang out from behind him from both Mr Jordan and Dr Hanna. After they past, in much lowered voices than previously Noel and Cal returned to their gossiping.

"They know" Zoe muttered to Nick as they walked down the corridor.

"Well everyone is going to know by the end of the day because we leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" She looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Zoe, leaving a place like this, it's like ripping off a plaster. You have to just do it. Believe me. I checked how much annual leave you have left and it turns out you have more than enough including lieu time to take leave as your notice period."

"Fine, I'll let Guy Self know today, Connie isn't back until New Year. I can't believe we're doing this."

He subtly slipped his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze and it was all the reassurance she needed.

"Has anyone seen a porter? I need this patient taken to X-Ray?" Dylan's question didn't appear to be directed at a particular person but now Zoe thought about it she hadn't seen Max for the whole shift. It was probably for the best and he was probably avoiding her but she did want to see him to check he was ok. Sneaking away for 15 minutes was hard enough at the best of times but then trying to sneak into a storage cupboard on without raising suspicion was always a struggle. In the past it had been exhilarating, today it was just stressful and devastating when she got inside to find it empty. His reaction the night before had seemed too good to be true and she was worried.

Eventually she tracked him down in the hospital gardens. "Max, everyone was worried about you."

He quickly wiped his face with his sleeve and sniffed. "Sorry, I just needed some air."

"Max…" She stepped closer to him and reached out to place her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't Zo. I can't cope in there, watching him strut around like he owns the place, knowing that you're going home to him at night. Knowing that you fucked him on Christmas day." The venom was rising in his voice. "All this time I believed that if you were enough for me, I'd be enough for you. So I don't have the designer suits or the sports car but I have a good heart and I love you Zoe, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything but silly me to believe that would ever be enough for you. So what is it that does it for you? Is it the money, the power, is he a better lay?"

She stood in a stunned silence, totally unprepared for this confrontation.

"Come on Zoe, I deserve answers don't I? Go on, tell me he's a better lover than me. Tell me that he can give you everything and I can't. Just give me something to help me make sense of all this."

"Max, I don't have the answers why. I really don't. I just love him and connect with him on a level that's out of this world. And he's dying. Rarely do we get a second chance, least of all with someone who's days are numbered. When he drove away from Holby 3 years ago, part of me thought I'd never see him alive again, never mind get to be with him. I'm sorry this has hurt you, truly I am, but I have to take this chance. You won't have to watch us going about our lives together for much longer, we leave tomorrow."

"Just go Zoe, I don't want you here."

"I'm going to tell them you're not well and you've gone home."

"No! Tell them the truth. You've left me a broken man." He crumpled back on to the park bench he'd been sitting on before Zoe had come out and disturbed him. Knowing there was nothing he could do or could have done differently to stop her from leaving him ripped him apart.

Inside Zoe wasn't fairing much better. Her stomach was churning, the tears in her eyes were threatening to spill down her cheeks and she was filled with panic. Suddenly all the doubts were running round and round in her mind. It was as if Nick had sensed it, slipping up behind her and discreetly placing a comforting hand on her lower back he whispered in her ear "it's ok, I've got you. Tomorrow this will all be a distant memory."

"I have to let the staff know that we're a porter down."

"Max?"

"Yeah, he's in a pretty bad way."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Nick was clearly concerned but Zoe couldn't help but feel that there was no worse idea out there. Not wanting to offend Nick her response was a little bit more subtle.

"No, don't worry. I'm going to have a quiet word with Lofty."

The end of the shift rolled around and Zoe felt like she hadn't treated a single patient with everything else she'd had going on, tying up loose ends, finishing paperwork she'd been putting off for weeks and trying to keep her personal drama under wraps. As the clock struck 8pm Dylan stuck his head around the door. "Shall I walk you home?"

"Actually Dylan, can you come in and sit down for a minute? I really need to talk to you."

"Yeah, ok but we could walk and talk."

"I've left Max!" She blurted it out so hurriedly that she wasn't even sure it was audible.

"What?"

"I've left him."

"Why? Was he unfaithful?"

"No, I was. I'm with Nick."

"Jordan?"

"Yeah… We're leaving Holby tomorrow. He has a little cottage by the sea. You and Dervla are welcome to visit anytime."

"You and Jordan? I always knew there was more to you two than met the eye." Dylan was smirking now and it raised a smile from Zoe.

"Come here." Zoe gestured for him to step forward as she stood up to embrace her best friend.

"I'm going to miss you, you know."

"I know, I'll miss you too but will definitely come and visit. Dervla loves the beach."

"You'll keep me up to date with everything that's going on here?"

"Well the bits that don't go right over my head." He kissed her on the cheek and headed towards the office door.

"Dylan, thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything." They smiled at each other and as the door closed a single tear ran down Zoe's face as the realisation of everything she was leaving behind suddenly hit her.


	7. Chapter 7

Nick Jordan Returns – Part 7

Sunday 27th December 2015

If Zoe had thought the previous day had been hard, it suddenly felt like a breeze when she arrived in the ED on her last day. The rumour mill had been started by the fact that the office cleaners had packed up her journals and papers the night before for her and of course the news of her and Nick being spotted in the car park hadn't taken long to circulate.

Thankfully Robyn was off work but she was certainly getting some dirty looks from some of the younger staff. Seeing Charlie at the nurses' station she sheepishly approached.

"I'm not going to say anything except this" he said with a smile while she waited with baited breath for him to go on, "that day when Nick had his seizure in resus and you froze, I knew then that you two were meant to be together. I'm proud of you for following your heart. Don't listen to the gossips. They don't know the two of you like I do."

"I just feel so bad for Max."

"He'll be ok, he loves you and he's hurt just now but over time he'll see that this is for the best."

"Thanks Charlie. I suppose at some point I'm going to have to face the rest of the staff."

The shift flew by in the blink of an eye as it so often did when she was dreading something she had to do afterwards and sure enough as the shift drew to a close and she began to remove her belongings from her office many of her colleagues started to mill around waiting to hear the announcement direct from the horse's mouth.

"Can everyone gather around for a few minutes please?"

She could hear the murmur of excitement as her friends, colleagues and acquaintances huddled in and the butterflies built in her stomach.

"I'm sure you've all heard on Noel's grapevine by now that I'm leaving the department today." This got a giggle from some of the staff and a nervous grin from one of her oldest companions within the ED before she went on, "A friend and colleague of mine recently told me that it's the what ifs that kill you – well Nick Jordan was always my what if. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me for hurting Max and you will look after him for me. I do truly love him but I know deep down that he will be happier without me and Nick needs me.

I'll miss all of you and if you ever need a weekend getaway you're always welcome at our cottage on the coast. "

Charlie and Zoe's eyes met and he gave her a knowing smile. The rest of her colleagues gathered round to give her a hug and wish her well, except Max and Lofty who had both been absent for most of the shift. She knew that Max needed time but part of her was hopeful he would have come to say goodbye.

With her box of belongings under her arm Zoe walked towards the exit of Holby City ED for the last time and standing outside waiting for her was Nick. He smiled at her and took her hand in his.

"Ready?" he asked her with a sigh looking up at the "EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT" sign above them.

"As I'll ever be!"

They wandered slowly towards his parked car, both mulling over all the memories they had of this place, the good and the bad. So much had happened here that a little bit of this place would always be with them.

As Zoe dropped her box into the back seat of the car she saw Dixie hovering by the ambulance.

"Nick, give me a minute, there's someone I need to see."

Zoe ran towards the ambulance, as quickly as her heels could carry her and threw herself towards Dixie for a hug.

"It's true then mate?" Dixie asked. All Zoe could manage was a nod against her friend's shoulder as the tears that she'd held in all day began spilling from her eyes.

"Hey, don't cry, this is a happy day, new beginnings, a fresh start and we can visit."

"I know, today was just so tough, Max and saying bye to everyone and I'm scared Dixie. What if I've made the wrong choice?"

"Zoe, you and Nick are meant to be, we all know that. Enjoy the time he has left, every second of it, treasure those memories. Believe me you'll need them when he's gone, and you'll be glad you had this time together. Besides, you'll be a rich widow."

The final comment managing to raise a chuckle from Zoe she pulled away from the hug. "I'll miss you!"

"We'll all miss you too but we understand why you're going. Make the most of every day, promise me?"

"I promise Dix."

"Good girl!"

"Dixie?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me one favour?"

"Of course I can mate, name it."

"Can you keep an eye on Max for me? He's in a bad way, I never meant for any of this to happen. I know we will probably never be friends but let me know he's ok, yeah?"

"Will do! Now go! Be happy and don't look back!"

Walking back towards Nick's car she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Dixie was her and Max's friend and she thought she was doing the right thing. That must count for something and she trusted Dixie to help Max through this.

More importantly she had Nick. No one knew how long he had left, could be days, weeks, months or years but in that moment he was healthy and happy and they would definitely make the most of every second together.


End file.
